Why are we here?

What brings people here? Why does anyone come to live in the Warm Heart of Africa?
Is it that life holds out bunches of fun and adventure and we are the ones who reach out to grab them with both hands? In our case, fun and adventure in Malawi?
Or is there a darker reason to our life choices, for some of us moving out here?
A friend of mine remarked a few months ago that he had spotted some similarities between many of the expats he had met out here in Malawi. What was it?
• We’re less risk averse than most?
• We love to travel more than we love to settle?
• We’re fed up with mundane lives in Europe?
Look at the number of people here working for NGOs and other agencies. Are they here to save Malawi? To make a huge difference to peoples’ lives? For sure. But is there a more personal narrative here as well? Even here in my life, am I here to become a better teacher? To influence my students for good? To educate the future leaders of Malawi? Perhaps in part, but I’m not sure it’s the main reason I’m here.
Although some of these reasons may be very true, the more people you chat to, the more you see that, for some, these may merely be collateral byproducts, as you realise how many of us have painful stories in our closets.
Some have just come out of long-term relationships. Some have been disappointed in love. Some have reached difficult career crossroads. Some have been ill. Others have lost a loved one. Or several loved ones. Many of us have a story of loss silhouetted behind this story of adventure. And the shadowed silhouette does not lie far behind the Malawi life story. So is there a link between the two? Or is my perception a false one?
If we took a cross-section of life here and compared with a cross-section of our home town, maybe it would look just the same? Don’t all communities of people share these stories of joy and sorrow? Perhaps here in Malawi, the difference is that we are simply less guarded to share our vulnerabilities, being so far from home?

Here we live with a sense of the ephemeral. Our life here is temporary; it is transient. It is, in many ways, surreal. We hear the exotic birds singing and see the tropical trees; jacaranda violet, flame tree red, frangipani yellow and pink, yesterday-today-tomorrow petals in purple and white. And the sun shines 330 days a year. Then the rains come with torrential force and impressive thunder and lightning; even this seems somehow exhilarating. It is a far cry from dull days, drizzle and damp Novembers. So little here reminds me of home. So it is easy to forget much of what came before…our former life. I’ve even found myself in conversation with new friends, answering a question about where I used to live or what I used to do or what happened 20 years ago. I answer, then find myself thinking, ‘Did I? Were we? Did he? In that place, at that time?’ and I realise there can be a real disconnect between the two parts of my life: the me before and the me after Malawi. It would be easy to reinvent yourself here and I’m sure that many people do. When was the last time you got to reinvent yourself? University maybe? A change of career? But imagine if you moved 5000 miles away, what would you become? Who would you be?

But could you be another you? Could you alter that thing about you that has always been your Achilles heel? Could you become more outgoing? Less outgoing? More diligent? Less diligent? More/less bothered what others think about you? More successful? Less obsessed with being successful? If you could change that thing, surely a move to the other side of the world would make that possible? Well, unless other people are better than me at changing themselves, I don’t think these things are possible. Not really.
When there is pain in our offering, it has to be dealt with. Moving 5000 miles only moves our sorrow 5000 miles with us. We may fool ourselves that we have a recreated life, but then something happens and boom! There it is again. Like it has followed you here…

But is sorrow such a bad thing? Do we want life to be simple and childlike and painless? That is like asking not to be a grown-up and not to love at all.
The challenge really for us, wherever in the world life brings us, is to face our pain, caress our sorrow, find comfort for our heartache and accept that without this we would not be the beautiful people we are today. Our life would be the poorer for it and our wisdom would be lacking. Wherever you are, seek kindness. Seek compassion. Seek opportunities to use your life’s rich tapestry…you never know, you may find you can help someone else struggling with theirs…